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"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me!"

A memorable rhyme but unfortunately not as true as we might like. From the six year-old cowering in response to a bully's playground taunts, to the middle-aged woman wincing at the curt comments of a co-worker, we've all been hurt by words. And sometimes, that hurt can last longer and be more painful than broken bones.

» A recent study by the American Association for the Advancement of Science indicated that the anterior cingulate cortex -- a region known to be involved in the processing of pain -- is activated the same way for both physical and nonphysical pain.

With all the yelling, snippy emails, swearing, name-calling, and snotty tone of voice that seems to be norm in the workplace, it seems the office has become one big unruly playground. Most adults know that words are powerful and that we are ultimately responsible for the impact of what we say. We also understand that responsibility for our words applies whether the results were intentional or by accident but that knowledge it seems, has been overridden by pervasive rudeness in the workplace.

» A national "last-straw" survey of anger in the workplace shows that 42% of respondents said yelling and verbal abuse took place where they worked. 29% admitted that they themselves had spoken rudely or yelled at co-workers (Integra Realty Resources Study on "Desk Rage")

Although there is never a good excuse for rudeness, some workplace incivility is justified by excess stress or heavy workloads. Most of us are quick to forgive a brisk response under tight timelines or a harsh word when a typically even-tempered co-worker loses his cool. When even a well-intentioned "please" comes across as rude or insincere we can usually let it go because we know that when we're tired and busy and stressed it can be hard to monitor our tone. We can't control everything, but we can control the words we choose. And we can choose to avoid using words and phrases that almost always comes across disrespectfully. Some examples often heard in the workplace:

• That's not my job!
• You don't look too good.
• Huh?
• You wouldn't understand.
• Don't mind her. She's new.
• It's just like a man. Or "women!"
• You weren't even born yet...
• You're not going to like this...
• Kids these days...
• 7v#0*#($_@!*@+%
• They don't pay me enough to do...
• You should...
• If you would only...
• Because I said so, that's why!
• I'm in charge!
• You people...or, "Your kind...
• You're so stupid (or ugly or old or....)
• You never... or you always...or you couldn't if you tried...

Other very disrespectful things we often do while speaking without realizing the impact are:

• Mispronouncing someone's name or calling them by a nickname that we know bothers them or pokes fun at them
• Talking to someone while looking at someone else or doing something else (typing, talking on the phone)
• Chewing gum or eating while talking
• Interrupting someone or finishing his/her sentences
• Failing to listen
• Not bothering to offer greetings such as "good morning"
• Asking questions and then not waiting for the answers

There is a cost of rudeness to business, to productivity, to relationships, and to morale. We can reduce this cost by simply stopping to think before we speak. We should each strive to set an example by adopting an attitude of respect; that is, show care and consideration for others. We might also try adhering to another often heard quote (and this one doesn't hurt) "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!"